I've moved!

If you don't know already, I've moved my blog over to www. Losingtogain.com  so be sure to visit me there!

Mia!

I have been MIA for a very loooonnngggg time!   I was having some health issues, and it turns out that I have Lupus, Hasihmoto's along with my PCOS.   It's fun times to be me!   But, I've started gaining some weight back, and that is completely not what I want to do.  So, I'm back in the saddle, and doing Weight Watcher's to help me get back in the groove! I hope that you all have been good!

Weekly Weigh In

Well, this week I remained the same on  the scale.   Really, though I deserved a gained.   Last weekend, I found some swollen lumps in my neck.    I called and made a doctors appt, fully expecting to go in and be told that it's my thyroid.  I'm a woman in my 30's and I have PCOS.  I fully expected it to be my thyroid and I had accepted that fate.    So, when I went in to the doctor and she told me that she didn't think it was my thyroid, but she thought it was a swollen lymph node caused from an infection, I was surprised.   But, I thought hey an infection is better than a thyroid problem.   So, the doctor drew some blood, just to verify the infection, and sent me for an ultrasound just to make sure she was correct.   On Wednesday, I got my results back.  There was no infection, and it wasn't a lymph node.   They said the ultrasound tech said she couldn't clearly see what it was, but that there were "two suspicious nodules" in my neck.   So, now I have no clue what the answer is.  I'm waiting to have a CT scan, so that hopefully they can see what it is more clearly. 

With all this "unknown" and worry about my health, I have for sure been eating my emotions.    I know that I can't control the outcome no matter what, but it's just the waiting that is driving me crazy.  I'm stressing it, I'm very impatient, and I just want to know so that I can fix it and move on.  Finally on Friday, I decided that I could either let this health issue consume me and take me under, or I could fight for my health.   I decided to fight.   I quit eating my emotions, and decided that it's time to make a big change in my eating habits.  It's time for me to focus on being healthy.  I am working on cutting out all the processed foods that I can reasonably can.   Not just for myself but for my entire family.   We have a diet that is heavily processed, and now it's time to get rid of that.  So, we are slowly making a change to that.   Right now, though I'm really struggling with it.   I think maybe my body is addicted to all the chemicals, because I'm going through some withdrawal symptoms!  

Motivaton for Monday!

How true is this?   I can't even tell you how many times I've said this!   But, I would never ever think about smashing my phone!

Weekly Weigh In

This week I gained four lbs.  Some of you might be wondering why I am here posting  about a four pound gain on a weight loss blog, but it's because I promised to share the good, the bad, and the ugly.  This definitely qualifies as the ugly! Time of month has arrived and that is part of what is going on with the gain, but I can't pretend to say that I did want I needed to do last week.  I didn't work out once, and and I didn't eat like I should have.    I was depressed this week, and I didn't want to get off the couch!   I think this week, I'm going to take some time and get back outside!  It's supposed to be pretty this week, so  I think I'm going to go back to the park and walk at least one morning, after my little one goes back to school.

This week it's time to get back on track! I'm so close to being down 100's that I can taste it!

This week is going to be a challege!

We've got an ice storm coming here in the south.    So, we will be stuck inside for a coupon days.  My husband will be "stuck at work" and so it will just be me and the little one.   I worry that I'm going to struggle with eating, because right now I feel like I'm starving, even though I shouldn't be hungry.  And, I've felt like that all day.   I'm suspecting that it must be stress, making me hungry!   I just need to make it through!

Weekly Weigh In!

Well, it's that time of week!  While I didn't get a chance to post last week, I did get my weigh in done then also!   But, here its the results!

I lost two lbs this week, and two lbs last week!  I can't believe that I am down 91 lbs!   I wasn't even thinking last week, when I did my weigh in that I was so close to being at 100lbs lost.  I was feeling pretty overwhelmed with how far I still have to go.   But, a friend of mine pointed out that I was so close to being 100lbs down, and I have to say, that was really helped changed how I think.  That's a major accomplishment.   I'm pretty happy with myself!  I've come so far in the past year!  To me, the best thing is, while I've had my struggles and set backs, I haven't allowed myself to just stop all together and regain the weight.  I've kept trucking, and working through my set backs, and that really shows to me how much I've changed!

I hope that you all had a great week!  And, I hope your weigh ins go as well as mine!

Where did this week go?

I can't believe it's already Thursday night.   Where did the time go this week?  We've been snowed in and just enjoying our family time! I don't really have much to report, I'm making it through the week and that's about as good as I can do!   I'm dreaming of a vacation!

Weekly Weigh In

Today is weigh in day.  This week didn't get as well as I had hoped!   I had a great start to the week, and then life took over!  And, I was totally unprepared for it!  I've been battling an eye infection for the past couple weeks, and I had several doctors appts the last half of the week, which lead to me being in the car the entire day!   Which of course leads to lots of fast food!  Ugh!  I need to find a way to better prepare for days like that!    So, I lost less than a pound this week, but I guess it's better than a gain!   This week, it's back on track!   Next week, I'm gunning for a two lbs lost!   Gotta buckle down and get it done!

A gold star for me today!

This morning I had the same battle in my head again, I could get up and workout or I could go back to sleep.  After several minutes of the battle in my head, getting up won out.   I got up, got dressed grabbed my ear phones and water and hit the elliptical.   Only, to realize how sore my legs were.    I lasted all of two minutes on the elliptical before I decided that I was too sore, so I would give myself a pass for the day.    I got my little one up and ready for school.  After, dropping her off I realized that my emotions were all over the place today.  I knew there was a very good chance that I would end up eating my emotions, so I told myself I had to make a choice, I could either eat my emotions and feel guilty about that or I could go home and try my workout again and see if I could workout and distract myself from the raging emotions.   Well, I made a great decision and told myself I was going to workout.  I came home and got it done!   I felt so great after! My emotions weren't so crazy and I was ready to tackle my day!   I deserve a gold star for my great choices today!  Go me!

It's been a good day so far!

Today has been a very good day.   I did struggle with the thought of going back to sleep this morning instead of working out, but working out won.  I'm glad I got up and was able to get my workout in.  I told myself this morning, that I can't allow myself to give in to sleeping late since I want to make getting up early to work out a habit!  

Food wise,  today has been an easy day to turn down things I knew I didn't need.  And, to stop eating when I was full, even though there was food still left on my plate!  I will call that a win for today!

I hope you day has been good!

Today is the day!

Today is the day that I decided to start the day off right!  I woke up early, got my time on the elliptical in before anyone else was up and moving.  It feel did feel good to get it finished and out of the way so that I can enjoy the rest of my day.   My goal is to keep it up the rest of the week!   It was a struggle to get out bed, I really had a battle in my head, one part of me said that if  I didn't get myself up and moving then nothing would never change.  But, another part of me said that I could just roll over and go back to sleep for 45 mins.   Getting up won, and I'm so glad it did!

Feeling like a failure!

This week, I started off this week with a plan  I was going to track my calories, get on my elliptical and burn some calories.  And, I was going to end this week with a loss.   Can you guess what really happened?   My elliptical sat mostly unused, I gave up on tracking my calories, and I gained a pound.  Suddenly, to me this pound feels like the end all.   It feels like I should just quit trying because I'm never going to get it right, or be able to be smaller.    This week, I really wanted that loss, and it feels like the more I wanted it, the more my mind or body or whatever the heck is sabotaging me wanted me to not have it.   I would eat the right amounts at meals, but then I would find myself snacking nonstop.   I wouldn't even realize I was doing it at first.  And, then when I finally did realize that I was doing it,  I would immediately feel guilty, and worthless and be so angry with myself.   And, then I would promise myself I wouldn't do it again,  but two hours later, there I was eating again! And, I was start the entire cycle all over again!  I don't get it.  I don't understand what is so wrong with me.  Why can't I just eat like a normal person!  Why does food seem to have this power over me that makes me not even realize what I am doing?   How can an  object control my life like this?   Food doesn't have a mind of it's own,  it can't just jump into my mouth all by itself.   I have to put it there, but I do so sometime without even knowing I'm doing it.   It's like my brain checks out, and something else takes over.     I really don't get it, I don't understand why this is happening to me, and why I can't just be like a normal person.   I feel so disgusting, and worthless. Maybe I should just give up, and quit trying.  It's pretty clear that I will never be able to have what I want.  

At some point this month though,  I've lost 6lbs.   When I went to the doctor last, on Dec 26th,  I weighed 288lbs.   Today, I weigh 282 lbs.   So, in the past month, those lbs have been lost somewhere, but yet I don't feel like I've lost them..  I haven't celebrated their loss.  I feel only like I've gained.  But, they had to have fell off somewhere.